That’s right! It’s quiz time! Test your knowledge! Tell your friends! Answers may vary depending on political affiliation, geographic location, reading comprehension, levels of glee, angst, or despair, Siri’s responses, and the amount of time you have to waste.
Donald Trump is:
A. A Godsend
B. A threat to Democracy
C. A brilliant billionaire
D. Fat and bald
Sen. Lindsey Graham is:
A. A man of deeply held, unwavering principles
B. A simpering suck up
C. In denial
D. Surprisingly flexible for a man his age
RFK, Jr. is:
A. An environmental warrior
B. An anti-vaxxer
C. An embarrassment to his family
D. Just plain nuts
Dr. Oz is:
A. A failed Senate candidate
B. A well-paid shill for Big Pharma and nutritional supplement companies
C. A respected member of the medical community
D. Oprah’s fault
Rep. Nancy Pelosi is:
A. A skilled political operative
B. Guilty of “insider trading”
C. A liberal icon
D. Like her hip, in need of replacement
Steve Bannon is:
A. A brilliant political strategist
B. Trump’s Goebbels
C. Unkempt
D. Fatter than Trump
Kash Patel is:
A. A threat to civil liberties
B. A highly regarded children’s book author
C. A mentor to aspiring sycophants
D. Always angry
Rep. Lauren Boebert is:
A. A gun-totin’, 38-year-old grandma
B. A huge Beetlejuice fan
C. Incapable of identifying surveillance cameras when drunk and horny
D. Dating again!
Former Rep. Matt Gaetz is:
A. Looking for a job
B. Kinda’ creepy
C. Opposed to laws against human trafficking….Hmmmmm, interesting
D. Dating again!
Rep. Tulsi Gabbard, Trump’s pick for director of national intelligence, is:
A. A decorated veteran
B. An Assad asset
C. Putin’s Puppet
D. A little light on intelligence
Sen. Susan Collins is:
A. Beloved by her Maine constituents
B. Still hoping Trump has “learned a pretty big lesson”
C. Astoundingly naive
D. Surprisingly flexible for a woman her age
Pete Hegseth is:
A. A brave warrior and highly respected advocate for veterans
B. A serial liar and sexual predator
C. The next Secretary of Defense
D. Probably drunk right now
When they go low:
A. We go high
B. It’s no surprise
C. They win
D. All of the above
Sen. Mitch McConnell thinks:
A. “January 6 was a disgrace.”
B. The courts will sort it all out
C. Very, very long pauses when speaking add to solemnity
D. Elaine Chao is “the bee’s knees”
Jeff Bezos and The Washington Post are:
A. Firm defenders of American democracy
B. Confused and confounded by Elon Musk
C. For sale to the highest bidder
D. Shrinking
Incoming Ambassador to Greece Kimberly Guilfoyle has:
A. Married California Governor Gavin Newsome and dated Donald Trump, Jr.
B. A little advice for socialite Bettina Anderson
C. Had a little work done
D. A very big mouth
Incoming Secretary of Education Linda McMahon has:
A. A vision for privatizing public education
B. A lot of problems with LGBTQ folks
C. A pretty good right hook
D. Separated from her husband, Vince, and is dating again!
Incoming Deputy Chief of Staff Steven Miller is:
A. Going to secure our borders and deport all those “illegals”
B. A white nationalist
C. A bare-knuckled street fighter
D. Always the life of the party!
When is rains, it
A. Pours
B. Floods
C. Sucks
D. All of the above
Elon Musk is:
A. The richest man in the world
B. A visionary. A leader. A real man
C. On the Autism spectrum because of the MMR vaccine, RFK says
D. A terrible dancer
Devin Nunes, CEO of Trump’s Truth Social platform and pick to chair his Intelligence Advisory Board, is going to:
A. “Expose the Russia, Russia, Russia hoax”
B. Leak more classified information
C. Get a Presidential pardon
D. Continue suing his on-line cow over “very mean tweets.”
President Joe Biden will:
A. Be rated highly by Presidential historians
B. Not put up with any more malarky from Trump
C. Forget that his aviator sunglasses are on the top of his head
D. Tell a slightly inappropriate story about what went on in the back seat of his ‘67 Corvette.
What goes around…:
A. Comes around
B. Can eventually circumnavigate the world
C. Is contagious
D. Spreading baseless conspiracy theories? (See Questions 1-4, 6-10, 12, 16-18, 20, & 21)
The American electorate is:
A. Extremely well-informed
B. Split down the middle
C. Holding its breadth
D. Waiting for Godot
Mary had:
A. A little lamb
B. A couple of hit TV shows, and diabetes
C. A baby in a manger, allegedly
D. All of the above
You may want to update the Matt Gaetz one to include shitting his pants. Child sex offenders often do not do well in prison. Just ask Jeff Epstein. Oh, that's right, you can't. BTW those Republicans are awfully brave when voting secretly.